Shuncho?

Cold. shiny. hard.

The glacial walls stare at me with heartless demand

And I am sinking under the weight of its poisonous sand

They tell me it's going to be too late

So, I pound the glass and cry aloud

But all I see are faces morphed in ignorance of my pain and mockery of my shouts

So, when I vanish in thin air

I do not blame them

Because perhaps I am a monster.

That if you rip me open into two

Look closely inside the shell of my body my veins run through

You'll find me

Dressed in an ensemble of a nightmare

Tassels torn and outworn

A monster spotted with the black plague of my thoughts wrapped in a messy warp of unstoppable hurricanes and turbulent storms

Where my skin seeps the scary secrets of my identity Where the ships that carry my sorrow lifelessly rock to the fringes of my sanity

Where my blood is colored in putrid brown of my self-hate

Where my self-esteem is as fragile as a bridge built to destroy

And where the needy breaths of my hollow lungs feed on my fears.

That is when I question them why

Why, should I be the withered petal of a garden of uncared flowers in spring?

why, should I be swatted away like a mosquito during summer?

why, should I be the dry leaf crumpled and trampled over in autumn?

why, should I be the confused snowflake flowing adrift in winter?

Why, shall I look forward to spending daybreak sharing another hearty laugh with my friend loneliness?

Why shall sadness cradle and tuck me in to slumber less sleep at night?

So, you tell me.

What should I do to deserve someone who is:

Draped in the milky white clouds of a divine daydream

Whose chest mirrors the expanse of the ocean

That to be nestled in the safety of their arms

would mean to drown in them hopelessly

Whose ribcages are engraved with my name

Whose eyes are punctuated with the stars that sparkle for me

To find the warmth of the red orange sunset in a smile that is meant for me

To be the finishing colour on their palate because one alone can't be a rainbow

To have their lips smeared with true love for me to taste

Just someone, to convince me that

maybe my storms and my hurricanes are worth the chase

Someone to tell me

That I am a feeling as fuzzy as a dandelion in spring

That I am worth enduring the sting of a bee in summer

That I am the smell of baked apple pie made in autumn

That I am the comfort of a chunky overworn sweater in winter

And most importantly

What should I do to deserve someone

who will tell me that someday

The glass shards of my broken heart will become whole

Where the worlds of my question and my answer will collide

and that will be the day

I will wake to the dawn of my own happiness.